Confession

Now that I'm in a much better mood and state of mind I feel I can truthfully post about this past week...not that the last post was untruthful, it was just very (very) edited. Call it a fear of being labeled an emotional female. Can you blame me when even you know that the individuals who read this blog are predominantly male? Yes, I know that I should write for myself and not others...but that's very difficult sometimes.

The day I last posted I couldn't find the right words. It was one of those days when everything that has been bothering me, eating at me and purposely ignored rose to the surface. And what an ugly head reared...The worst of it is that most of this isn't beyond my control. I just haven't summed up the courage to really say something which can't be ignored. And the truth is even when I do open my mouth about something I feel is important, it does get ignored. Whether it's on purpose or not, it does. It gets forgotten. Then I'm left wondering how important am I?

Anyway, that wasn't a good night. Kim ended up returning my call and I unloaded on her...I think she's worried now, because she's never heard me that upset...recently anyway. Not many of my friends have. Most of them tell me of their problems and call me when upset, but rarely is it the other way around. I think to most of them think I control myself too well. But I am glad Kim called. She's a good listener and knows me well enough to know what to say and what not to say. However, I can't help but feel that I need a guy's opinion though...I know I'm being vague...I can't help it...Anyway, by the time Kim called I was even more mad because my ex-boyfriend was pissing me off online...sometimes I don't even know why I bother with that child. He wants to be friends...but I fear that isn't the real reason he's talking to me and suggesting he visit here this summer...I think I'll give him the wrong address.

The next day brought my first real issue with a coworker. I was waiting for this to happen...it always does when you start somewhere new. There is always at least one person that's difficult. Apparently he's known to be somewhat difficult with new people. He makes them jump through hoops and shit like that. What he did with me was just try to embarrass me and make me look confused. To him it was hilarious, a great joke. I was pissed. It was a mean-spirited joke meant to make me feel bad. I don't have time for people like that. People who have a terrible sense of humour, who have an attitude problem, who bring people down to bring themselves up. I have spent my whole social life avoiding these people...and now I have to work with one. I didn't say much to him, just walked away. I wanted to lash out, call him a bitchy queen, knock him off his pedestal...but thank god I didn't. Later that day I learned he had just recovered from prostate cancer. It doesn't excuse his behaviour. Why should I get shit one because he was dealt a crappy hand in life? Anyway it's over and done with. Yesterday he was much nicer to me. He probably clued into the fact that I didn't appreciate his joke. Now he probably just thinks I don't have a sense of humour, but at least he won't try to walk on me again.

So that's the real update...more or less. I might regret writing it all out, but for the time being I feel better that it's no longer in me. Am I just another emotional female yet? or am I just human?

It's been a while...

Did that title make anyone else start singing that song by Stain?

Anyway...

I know I haven't posted in a while. It's just been a little crazy getting back into the rhythm of Victoria life.

Today was my fourth working day at BCAA. So far so good. I am a little daunted by all I will have to learn, know, and use...but at least this won't be a dull mindless job. At least I'll be busy. The people that work there are pretty nice as well. Most of the women are normal...a few over enthused about...everything...but mostly normal. The men however...dear god. They are the strangest group I think I've ever met in a single area. They all appear to be loners with poor social skills and strange behaviour. They're harmless though, and very nice to me...the "new MTC girl"...

I haven't much else to say aside from that. Except, it seems my family is at war with each other. My parents against my sister of course. She wants to waitress at the Voo Doo Lounge for the summer months...My parents of course both had strokes upon hearing the news and have forbid her to apply for the position. So now I'm getting calls from my mom to reason with my sister and calls from my sister to reason with my mom...I'm not sure who is the Nazi party so I'm not taking sides...but being Switzerland is not all it's cracked up to be.

So I guess that covers the highlights from the past few days. Nothing incredibly special, but it was actually bothering me that I hadn't posted in almost a month! Better insignificant than nothing I suppose.

Technological Bullshit

AHHHH!!!! I fucking hate computers! I swear...whenever I buy something remotely technological it ends up having serious issues. Case and point: my latop.

I have been on the phone with Sony for 2 and a half fucking hours today trying to fix its obscure problem. Something is wrong with windows. It's lagging or something...so when I play music it sounds like a bad radio connection or scratched vinyl...as a result, Eric Clapton sounds like he's had a stroke in mid performance! I have been through two techs and it's still screwy.

I don't even know what to say...I'm so irritated. I've been treating this thing like it's made of glass, and something still goes wrong. I'm cursed...God help me if I ever buy a car...

I'm so fed up I just want to throw it against a wall...at least then I'll know what's wrong with it!