"Colourful" Language
Have you ever experienced being a guest in a bilingual household where the dominant language spoken was not English, but one you did not understand at all? And instead of speaking English, your host speaks this other language to the other members of the house while you're in the room, knowing full well that you do not understand a word being said. Would you consider this rude?
I would, and do.
Twice in 3 days was I put in a situation where the majority of people present spoke two languages: English and either Punjabi or Spanish.
The first instance was with my supervisor from work. The plan was we would get a ride to the ferry together (to save the company my cab fare) for a conference in Vancouver. However, on the way we had to stop at her parents house so that her father-in-law could drive the car to the ferry and let us walk on. I figured it would be a 15 minute stop at most. Nope. We were there for over an hour. Normally, this wouldn't bother me at all. Except in this situation everyone around me was speaking in Punjabi. Hardly any English was spoken. I felt like a deaf-mute. I could neither listen to the conversation nor contribute to it. It was as if they were purposely excluding me from the conversation, because not only is there no way they did not know I couldn't speak Punjabi but also the father-in-law finally acknowledged my existence after more than half an hour in clear English. I couldn't help but be pissed off by the situation. I couldn't even watch the TV because it had Punjabi-speaking shows on.
The second situation was much different. While in Vancouver I roomed with a girl, Astrid, who could speak Spanish. She invited me out to the Richmond mall to meet her friend Carolina, who I found out could also speak Spanish. I resigned myself to the fact that once again I would feel like an outcast via language. However, to my surprise they both took my "monolingualism" into consideration. Carolina had trouble speaking English but she tried, and anything she spoke in Spanish Astrid translated for me. I felt so much better and really appreciated their consideration.
Essentially, I think, it boils down to manners. It's no different than poor table manners, which shows disrespect for those with whom you are eating. Speaking a language you know your guests or companions don't know is disrespectful because it indicates to them that you don't care how they feel...
Alright, that ended up being something of a venting session...it's something that's been bothering me since I went to Vancouver. Bad manners just hit a nerve with me.
posted by Jenevieve @ 12:51 PM
3 Comments:
It sounds like the feeling of being excluded was more a problem than the fact that different languages were involved, and that the Punjabi in the first case was more a catalyst to the exclusion than anything else.
There may be cultural differences, though. I hear Cantonese and Mandarin all day, have no idea which is which, and don't really mind at all. When the conversation involves me, I know they'll switch to English.
I'm certainly not going to suggest they handicap themselves by thinking in only one language just for my eavesdropping benefit on the off-chance I would have some input on Uncle Gurdeep's Liver Cancer. As long as they include me as early as the situation warrants, I'm totally comfortable with loud, foreign conversations near me; in fact, my inability to parse it actually helps my concentration.
I am not speaking of situations at work nor am I speaking of situations where I would be eavesdropping. In those cases I don't care what language is spoken because I'm not directly involved. I am speaking about a situation where I was invited to someone's house and the conversation was almost entirely in a language foreign to me. (Later my supervisor even asked me to comment on what was said, even though I had no idea what had been going on...obviously.) I am also talking about a situation where both languages were spoken well by my hosts so it was no "handicap" to them to accommodate me. Considering that fact, and the fact that I was a guest in their house and they were my host, I would think that they would try to make me feel comfortable and not excluded and inconveniencing.
I gotta side with jenevieve on this one.
The main difference is that she is a guest. An attempt should be made as a host to include said guest into a conversation, or at least make it known that Grandma and Uncle don't speak English. The exclusion comes from the language barrier. I don't think she's asking them to change their conversation habits to suit her, but just to do the right thing as a host.
I think that I'm a fairly secure person, but if people were chattering around me in their home while I was there as a guest, I'd be a little self conscious.
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